Un-overlook-able family events: Brothers wedding and sheva brakhot

Well, it's mostly over now- the festivities of the marriage of my brother...as for some of my personal experiences of it (as I see them now, a few days later) that will be the topic of my writing:

Well, the wedding was a nice wedding, there were though a few flaws; like the fact that me and my half sister, as well as the brides brothers weren't really sure when or in what way to 'walk down the aisle', partially because not only was there no preparation of it beforehand, there was no talk of it. Another thing that is unfortunately spoken of little, not only by the wedding of my brother, but by any wedding for that matter is 1. hilkhot kiddushin before doing it, 2. hilkhot k'tubot and the requirements of the spouses to one another (among other things), hopefully I'll have more time to read that kind of stuff if and when I get married. Another flaw would have been that my brothers wife seemed to have filled all her tables with friends quite nicely, while my brother left a good few tables totally unoccupied (and my brother is quite liked by people...in that case I think, it would be a struggle to fill but one table at my own wedding!

My (religious- mostly young) cousins came in from Cincinnati (though my (irreligious- mostly older) cousins from New York did not). I was happy there were able to attend this religious event as opposed to the last time they came to New York, where they had to attend a wedding of said irreligious cousins. I got to speak to them a bit by the meals on Shabbat, though not all that much- I feel bad because I always seem to be a bit deprived of socialization with them before they have to go again. A short summation of them:

[David- Five years of age. Quite the agreeable lad. Quite intelligent too..

Yonatan- Of nine years. Was a wild little one the last time I saw him (as well as the times before that), though now he seems much more 'tamed', and much brighter than last I saw him.

Naomi- Of eleven (almost twelve) years of age. To me one of the more interesting ones, being that she is in the middle between two boys younger than her, and two girls older than her, who in all likeliness probably tries to socialize with the girls more but always ends up with the boys, due to her unusually petite size for her age (she's shorter than her nine year old brother). ..though in essence her siblings would be considered 'large' for their age, in comparison with the average Ashkenazi Jewish Americans..

Adina- Fourteen years old. Second to oldest, though much more extroverted than the oldest one (the opposite situation existed with me and my older brother). I noticed on Shabbat that she really does have quite a stereotypical old-time Moroccan girl appearance. Her personality makes her presence fun and exiting for those around her.

Michelle- Sixteen(?). Oldest. I suppose that makes her very responsible, but not necessarily overly outgoing...but not introverted either..we were lucky to have her because she seems to being going on an NCSY trip to Israel quite soon.]

We all had the sheva brachot in Queens (the place where my brothers wife has lived for many years, and the place of their new apartment). There were many people, but no doubt 90% of them were from her side of the social spectrum. One thing I felt bad about was that I was meant to give a 'dvar torah' by seudah shlishit but my brother never showed (I stayed up all afternoon preparing it- I wasn't expecting to speak any time, so I had nothing prepared from beforehand...and I had to stay up with my cousins for the first half of the afternoon). I ended up giving it by a brunch the next day, but I partly forgot it, it was unexpected, and there were many more people who were more spread out which created a great challenge for my naturally quite weak voice (I was actually taken aback a bit when my brothers wife spoke after me, and her voice is 50 times louder than mine, with 50 times less effort from her).

[Just the basic idea of what I was trying to say, in Hebrew:]

וכה תורף דברי: חזינן בכמה דוכתי בתורה איסורי ביאה עם ישראלית כגון "לא יבוא עמוני ומואבי בקהל ה" ו"לא יבוא ממזר בקהל ה", ופירש"י "לא יבוא בקהל ה" היינו "לא ישא ישראלית". אז ראינו שהנושא ישראלית נקרא "בא בקהל ה". ובדברי קבלה כתוב "נאום ה אהיה להם לאלו"הים לכל משפחות ישראל","לאיש ישראל" לא נאמר, אלא לכל "משפחות" ישראל. ופירוש "משפחה" הוא לכל הפחות איש ואישתו". י

אם כן פשוט הוא ששכינה שורה אצל הנשוי, לסיבה זאת מצווים אנו לשמח חתן וכלה, כי הרי כתיב "אין השכינה שורה אלא מתוך שמחה". גם ידעינן דשמו של הקב"ה שלום. אם כן חובה על הנשוי אשה להרבות בשלום, שיהיו שניהם כגוף אחד, שלם, ולא להיחלק ע"י המחלוקת כלל וכלל. י

אבל הרי איפה כתוב בשלהי פרשת השבוע "על כן יאמר בספר מלחמות ה, את והב בסופה, ואת הנחלים ארנון", ופירשו רבותינו בקידושין (לא:) "אפילו האב ובנו והרב ותלמידו שרבים על דברי תורה, אינם זזים משם עד שנעשו אוהבים זה לזה דכתיב את והב בסופה- אל תקרי בסופה אלא בסופה". אם כן ראינו שהמחלוקת לא רק שהיא אינה נאסרת לגמרי, אלא שיש בידה לחזק הדידידות- אז השאלה פשוטה: איזה מין מחלוקת מביאה לידי אהבה? י

הוי אומר מחלוקת רבי יוחנן וריש לקיש, דכתיב בהו דכד הוה נח נפשיה דריש לקיש התאבל רבי יוחנן ואמר בכולא זמנא דאמרנן שמעתתא קמיה דריש לקיש הוה מקשיה עלי כ"ד קושיות. למה אהב רבי יוחנן את קושיותיו של ריש לקיש? שעל ידם זכה לראות את הדברים בפנים חדשות. י

שלום בא כששני בני הזוג יכולים לראות את הדברים כמו שנראים לצד השני ממש. אני בעניי הייתי מפרש "שלום" לאופן מעשי- "לסבול בעין יפה מה שמובן כאי-צדק". כי הרי אנשי צדק אנו בטבענו, ומצטערים רבות על חסרונה. אבל לא כולנו רואים את העולם בסאספקלריה אחת: לפעמים אחד מבני הזוג רוצה או מבקש דבר הנראה לשני כאי-צדק מוחלט, אבל החכמה הוא לראות תמיד את הדברים כפי שנראים בעיני השני. והדברים כה פשוטים שאין צורך באמירתם- אבל הלוואי שנזכה לזה- אמן. י

I found I got sort of inwardly depressed after a while. I think the reason was that 1. That's partly just what happens to me after a while of viewing so much merriment, 2. The 'dvar torah' incident, 3. The fact that all those people I liked being with left so abruptly, and 4. 'Big issues' at the job I'm at..

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