I recently saw the HBO film version of the last two chapters of the book "Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee" about the genocide of the Native American Tribes (specifically the Sioux/Lakota) by the Western Europeans who settled this land for the sake of spreading the American Empire. I feel it is just one of many films that are good examples of what the reality of American history was actually like, as opposed to how it's glorified by some in this country.
I found one aspect of the film somewhat apropos to something I was discussing with someone recently. I was asked about my dislike for Oriental and North African Jews who chose for themselves the religious path of the European Jews, specifically perhaps those who become attracted to Chasidut Chabad: In the film the main character is a Sioux youth who's father is depicted as becoming "overly westernized" in the opinion of his tribesmen. He comes into "town" with not only a horse but a carriage, wearing a suit and hat, as well as having short hair. He reprimands his son for fighting with his people, and ends up walking into the distance jovially singing some Christian hymn in English. It's evident that the Indians are looking at him and thinking "By G-d, what has the White Man done to him?!" That is the image I've always had of the Sefaradi who has become estranged from the form of religious practice of his fathers, and has chosen the exact opposite in it's place, the eastern European form. It is not healthy, I feel, for anyone to be so separated from their roots, whether Sioux, Sefaradi, Muslim, or anyone else to whom different forms of "Europeanism" are alien. It is also not healthy for the preservation of the "Oriental Tradition" in Judaism to have such defectors. I think it would be worthwhile to imagine a scenario where there are few Ashkenazic Jews left in the world, and even among those the majority becomes interested in following the Sefardi traditions. I'm sure there would be a few from among them who feel strongly about having with whom to preserve the "European Tradition" of Judaism.
A film which I saw tonight (what? It's the summer. Give me a break!) is Holiday from 1938. It tells of a fun-loving bloke who wishes to retire at the ripe old age of 30, who wants to marry the daughter of a wealthy and very business-minded New York banker, who thinks like her father does. It takes a while for the man to realize that his love for the girl is only skin-deep, but that she shares none of his fun-loving values. He ends up hooking-up with her sister who shares his sentiments about a 30 year old retirement. To me the premise of the film brings up some important issues in relationships, like what to do when you realize it was really the persons sibling you should have married! But to me, the most notable aspect was the fact that he was able to overlook how much like her father she really was. That happens to me many times: I like the girl but don't see eye-to-eye with the ideas of the father. Yet the daughter seems different, "she thinks as I do". After a short while I usually come to the conclusion that the daughter is just the father in the body of a young girl, and it was just me who was projecting everything I find admirable about a person onto her. So...
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"After a short while I usually come to the conclusion that the daughter is just the father in the body of a young girl, and it was just me who was projecting everything I find admirable about a person onto her."
Maybe that's true for women who are controlled by their parents, but it's certainly not everyone.
My theory for now is that many men are controlled by their mothers. I'd dare to say you're all the same, but then I'd be a hypocrite.
Hey.
"Maybe that's true for women who are controlled by their parents, but it's certainly not everyone"- No, of course not, I was just saying that some of experiences reflected that, and if anything girls are usually much more ike their mothers (and the mother doesn't usually like you, so it's a battle between you and the mother for the heart of the girl, etc..
"My theory for now is that many men are controlled by their mothers"- Yeah, I've never really seen that. I mean, I personally am far more like my mother than like my father, but I wouldn't take her word in regards to something as important as who to marry. Though I guess I admit I have seen guys who are too maternaly influenced, but like I said, from what I've seen it's pretty uncommon..
...always forget to end my parentheses..
Well I've personally experienced it, and it extremely hurts. :(
"and the mother doesn't usually like you, so it's a battle between you and the mother for the heart of the girl, etc.." -- You're generalizing... again.
Shani: "I've personally experienced it" : (, along the lines of what I describe?
ISH: "You're generalizing"- I mean, either way it's usually a problem with the infamous "mother in law", whether she's convincing the son not to like the the girl, or convincing the daughter not to like the guy.
(The truth is, like Shani, I'm just speaking from my own experience here: I dated a girl last year who told me the story of how her mother in law to-be basically caused the calling-off of her engagement, and caused both this girl and her son much duress.
On the other hand I once dated a girl (along the lines of what I was mentioning in the post) who's mother, I suspect, strongly convinced her daughter to discontinue her interactions with me.
On the other hand (...there is no other hand!! ..sorry, Fiddler on the Roof reference) my very own brother is married to a girl who's mother has little opinion about her daughters marriage besides for the fact that she's happy about it. My mother as well has little opinion about his wife, besides the fact that she too is happy that they are wed. So...
Holy ----!, forgot to end my parentheses again!
Don't use so many parentheses and you won't forget to close them. :]
"either way it's usually a problem with the infamous "mother in law"" -- What a terrible prejudice to have when you're dating. How can you go into a relationship when your first thoughts about the girl's mother are negative, even though you don't know her?
"Don't use so many parentheses"- Parentheses are my life man, can't live without 'em..
"How can you go into a relationship when your first thoughts about the girl's mother are negative"- Listen, she's called a "shver" in Yidish for a reason! (..or is that the father in law..) ..anyway, I also said that some mother in laws are fine. It obviously depends on the person, but there is a traditional concept of the proverbial mother in law..
"Parentheses are my life man, can't live without 'em.." -- "Man," again?
"Listen, she's called a "shver" in Yidish for a reason!" -- Really?
"..anyway, I also said that some mother in laws are fine." -- You said that your mother is fine, and your brother's mother-in-law is fine. Two people.
If this is how guys like you talk about mother-in-laws, then no wonder they are predisposed not to like you.
""Man," again?"- So sorry madame, I almost forgot it was you who disliked to be addressed in that way..
Listen friend, there is no love like the love of a mother for her child. When a child reaches the age to get married the mother, many times, psychologically takes it as an affront towards her own relationship with her child. There is literally some wacko coming in to steal her daughter away from her--for good. The kind of mothers who have a healthy relationship with their daughters usually devise a myriad of psychological-war tactics not to loose the battle for their daughters. Now, these mothers want to see their daughters married, but they usually feel that they know better than the daughter (since they are older and have more experience, etc) and feel their daughters can do a lot better than the boy that's being presented to them at the moment, since it's probably an unfounded attraction.
Hm. I didn't think that was going to be what I would write. ..and while I don't fully agree with it myself, I don't think it's false enough to erase..
"The kind of mothers who have a healthy relationship with their daughters usually devise a myriad of psychological-war tactics not to loose the battle for their daughters." -- I disagree with this. I mean, yes, of course there are some mothers who act this way, but that does not warrant such generalizations as you have made. I think mothers who truly have healthy relationships with their daughters would keep such feelings to themselves so it should not interfere with the match.
It's interesting though.... You wrote an entire comment in justification of those very same mothers you previously blamed.
"You wrote an entire comment in justification of those very same mothers you previously blamed"- Ha. I guess it's part of a "justification methodology" I picked up in a yeshiva I was in (which is actually the topic of a post I'm working on right now, but I didn't consider mentioning that aspect. ...in fact, I still don't think it would fit in with the subject of the post..
Either way, the basic premise is that "everybody's right" in one way or another, it's just that different modes of logic are based on different premises (which usually can't be proven "wrong" or "right")..
Yes, that's what I try to show in my writing. Protagonists, antagonists, the good, the 'bad' -- I try to show how all of them are human and have certain reasons for doing what they do. Even the characters that seem like villains have to be looked at from a different, more human, perspective, because you have to see that they are just like you and I. They have their goals, their dreams, their wishes, and some of them would do anything to achieve that, even stooping as low as crime.
I guess everything goes back to my writing for me. Ha.
"..all of them are human"- Yeah, a bad guy with a rich character makes for a good story..
"I guess everything goes back to my writing for me"- : )
"along the lines of what I describe?"
Something like it. *sigh*
"When a child reaches the age to get married the mother, many times, psychologically takes it as an affront towards her own relationship with her child."
That's probably true when their children are under the age of 27...
Shani: Yeah, if your children are over a certain age it's just retatrded to butt-in to their relationships. ..least that's what I think..
What I was trying to say about different characters was said very well by a certain actor I admire; I just can't find it.
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