BIRTH-DAY: XXV

ה אדר.

Alas! A Quarter Century!

An entire Quarter Century of Shlomo and neither he nor the world around him have changed in any positive way since he was born!

I was not expecting to find myself in this sort of situation at this point in my life.

If I had known that so little would become of myself I would obviously have done something, ...everything quite differently, though it is much too late for that now.

I mean, I would very much hesitate to call this a "failed existence", though I would hesitate more to call this an "accomplished existence"!

It would be difficult for me to verbalize exactly how I feel about things at this point in my life, although if I did have to render it into words, I'm afraid it would exclusively contain four-letter words describing things like excrement and fornication.

One protruding example that has been a disturbance to me recently is my recent realization of the fact that my mind, personality and actions have changed so very little since I was a small child. When I was younger I felt like I had come so far, yet now I feel as if I haven't gotten anywhere. Any accomplishment I may have had seems like some kind of fanciful illusion.

I also feel that the years between 20 and 25 didn't really happen. What were supposed to be some of the most eventful years of life were some of the most eventless. Now I feel like I have to "make it up" or something, ..which, of course, is somewhat impossible, due to the fact that this is the age to "settle down" in life, get married, and get in the same gear as many of my comrades are. This temporal paradox itself is a source of some displeasure.

Another example has been the issue of peers; how I feel that most of my peers have gone beyond me, which for me has become a source of jealousy in recent times.

Though it is also unsettling to me that many of those I see around me are upset and frustrated about the way their existences seem to be leading them. I cannot hide the fact that at times I feel their frustrations are minimally justified in comparison to my own.

Yet I, friends, am a believer in the logical basis for the notion of Divine Providence, and the idea that G_d has a plan for every man. It is my opinion as well, friends, that G_d has something of some particular purpose in this world to be fulfilled by myself and none other.

I therefore pray to He who gives life to all to overlook my trespasses, and lead me into a coming quarter century of great fulfillment, purpose and accomplishment, Amen.