Discipline

In my mind it is clear that at least one of the lessons of the Divine laws restricting certain types of eating on פסח and סוכות (i.e. eating only unleavened bread/bread products on פסח, and not eating meals outside of a סוכה on סוכות, and the ensuing inconviniences in eating they create) is general self-discipline.

The President

[Well, this is a bit risky for a post, but ..I feel like.. I must..]

My father has a very ..different..way to say things in English than most people. ..in fact not only have I never heard the type of pronunciation of English he has anywhere else, I've never heard a lexicon like his, or word-usages such as his elsewhere. ..for example(!): For some reason(?) every time he has to use the restroom he tells everyone "I have to go see George Bush" (well, that's what he's been saying the past eight years anyway..). When looking for reading material to take in he says "I can't go in without my files"(!) etc...
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I happened to be passing the Waldorf hotel tonight just when I was frantically looking for a restroom, and I saw all the Television film crews, so in passing I asked them what was going on. They informed me that presidential nominees John McCain and Barack Obama were attending a dinner there (they were just leaving actually. I saw McCain!). But I was in such a hurry I told him "who cares about McCain or Obama, I have to see George Bush!

..I didn't really tell them, but, ; )

(Cardinal Edward Egan was also there, ..he asked me if I was doing anything tonight, but he lost interest when I told him I'm not Catholic..).

Succot supporting naturalistic lifestyle

I haven't given it much thought yet, but it obviously seems the Commandments of סוכות have (beyond the sense of being transient) some preference to 'naturalistic' sort of ideals (which needs looking into. i.e.- סכך that is not a plant is מקבל טומאה.. It has to be disconnected.. ארבעת המינים have to be fresh.. ניסוך המים has to come from a stream.. יום חיבוט ערבה במקדש..etc...).

צילא דמהימנותא

Well, we got our Succah up (wasn't too difficult, being that it's principles of engineering were the same as those of Lego(!)), and what is perhaps my most beloved holiday begins tonight. I always liked Succot more than others holidays because there are just so many interesting actions and thoughts to ponder, and in my opinion the main purpose for the commandment of these actions is to cause one to ponder.

So ponder I shall! One particular nuance that I enjoy reminding myself of, and one that I think plays a central role in this festival, is what some of the sixteenth century Kabalists said about the Succah; that it is a holy place due to the fact that in a kabalistic sense the aura of G-d (שכינה) is there, and therefore one's level of respect and awe while in the Succah should be the same as it would in a place of worship (דינה כדין בית הכנסת). A 'Succah' (דבר שמסכך) is defined only by the 'סכך' itself (by the 'shade' itself). It is defined as being under the shade and protection of this temporary roof, commemorating G-d's protecting cover over our ancestors in the wilderness, and known in kabalah as 'צילא דמהימנותא' (the shade of belief').

But then again, we know that that which it says in the Torah "בסוכות תשבו שבעת ימים" means that one should live in the Succah as one lives in their house. The Mishna and the Talmud explain that every aspect of living should be transferred to the Succah, from eating to drinking to sleeping! From enjoying one's idle time in good conversation to writing blog posts using the neighbors wi-fi (well, the Gemara didn't actually mention that, but..)!

So we therefore are faced with a paradox of sorts; one the one hand we have the injunction to live in the Succah in the most mundane of ways, being instructed to bring all of our daily squalor into the Succah, and on the other hand we have this idea that one must be in the same awe of the place (due to G-d's presence there) as we would in a house of prayer (it's known for example that Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneersohn didn't feel comfortable sleeping in his Succah at all due to it's holiness)-?-

But that itself is obviously the lesson. That after seven days of feeling that "well, I can't fully 'let my hair down here because 'G-d is here' ", we then return to our actual bedrooms. And the obvious dawns on us; is G-d not also present in my bedroom?!

I was once by the kotel (I was doing that whole '40 day thing' once) and on Shabbat, a not religious guy asked me what I thought was a legitimate question; isn't praying by the kotel a type of idol worship? I thought the question was "how can we say G-d is in the Temple as opposed to other places?", but I soon realized he didn't know there was ever a Jewish Tmple there, and thought everyone was praying to the wall (*sigh*, Israeli public schools!). But in essence it's a good question; how can we suppose G-d was 'more' in the beit hamikdash than outside of it? Without all the discussion, one answer is "He isn't! It's all about our perception of it!

Which also reminds me of all the times I have had to sleep in Synagogues; I would say to myself "I'm so self-conscious now- then why not when I sleep in a bed?" Is G-d not as 'present' in the Succah as in the bedroom?! In the house of worship as in the night club?! Before a Rabbi as before a comedian?! By the Kotel as on Ben Yehudah st.?! We have to reshape some perceptions, friends, as we sit 'בצילא דמהימנותא'.

חג שמח

לכפור בכפיית כופר הכפרות

A bit of Background:

There were two men who lived in the same era, knew each other and one's son even married the other's daughter. They both had very strong influences on the Jewish people, but they took different perspectives based on their differing traditions, backgrounds and leanings.

I'm discussing of course the 'Beit Yosef' (Joseph Caro) and the Ari(za"l)(Isaac Luria). Just one example out of quite a few is that which the Jews take for themselves an 'atonement' in chickens (or money..or plants(?)) on the eve of the day of Atonement. They both were raised seeing this phenomenon. Rabbi Caro, in following the tradition of many of the Spanish halakhist scholars, did not even omit this practice (which would be expected) but frowned heavily upon it in his 'Shulkhan Arukh'. Rabbi Luria, in the tradition of the European Rabbis (a community from which he descended), and based on 'great hidden meaning' associated with it, not only encouraged, but added stringencies and guidelines in the practice of this 'taking of chickens'.

We (Jews of the Orient) have been directed to follow the halakhic guidelines of Rabbi Caro (as opposed to his contemporaries or those who came after him who might argue), but in this case his words are abandoned by even the most Oriental Jew in preference to the teachings of his contemporaries, or those that came after him.

There's much more to it than that, but that's what I feel is really the main point, and all I wish to mention on that note at the moment.

My Perspective:

Well, unfortunately abandoning many an injunction -as those I just discussed-, and relying on the rulings of the more contemporary Rabbinic leaders, I personally prefer to indulge in the practice of 'kaparot' before yom kippur when it makes itself available to me. I see in it a reasonable amount of psychological and ethical significance, for the entirety of the process is of acute irony for a sound mind; a bird is taken, a white chicken who has obviously very few 'sins' to atone for, if any, as it stands. We then proceed to declare upon the chicken that it is "in our place", "our redemption", our "atonement", and then kill it, feeling that some level of our 'responsibility' has been transferred to the chicken. On face value it obviously seems a bit absurd, but this is the essence of the sacred sacrificial ceremony performed in the Temple in Jerusalem (which is one of the main reasons many opposed it).

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To me this utter irony is the most important aspect of the whole process; it is invariably us who should "לשחיטה ילך", and the chickens who should be going "לחיים טובים ולשלום", and yet we're changing this preferable arrangement so that we should feel we must run back in protest, exclaiming that an error has mistakenly occurred; "we should stay and the chickens should go home"!

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...I feel bad writing about such an insignificant issue though, on the eve of this ever-important day...

נהנה ומצתער

My mother made an interesting statement last week:

"Pain is the extention of pleasure"

(..in regards to nerve endings at least...but it can be found true for other kinds of pain and pleasure as well...)

Journal Idea

As an even deeper revelation into myself: I just finished going through Orwell's "Down and Out in Paris and London" (actually at the advice of my mother, being that I've often been "down and out" in weird places). It did actually make me somewhat reminisent of some of my past experiences.. which kind of got me thinking- I should write about some of my experiences (experiences that usually end up omitted from this blog even if they occured while I've had it up, being that I cannot usually be found by a computer at those times, and don't feel to write about them later), for at least my own reading- lest I totally forget them in the future (I'm quite forgetful). But then again, making a blog of them would be questionable, being that every blog I've tried to write besides this one has ended in utter disuse (for some reason I 'create' them, but never 'get around' to writing in them). (?) ...representative of my life; lost potential! ברכה לבטלה!

About ראש השנה

I can't beleive it, I just posted about not taking Rosh Hashana too lightly, and there I was on Rosh Hashana; looking to put together enough money to put up hotels on Illinois and Indiana ave's, and trying to sell Boardwalk for triple it's price (in other words; playing 'Monopoly'! ...we spent the חג by my (now married) brothers' new place in Queens. ..he was set on playing Monopoly..?).

לעמל יולד

If repetition is hated by Man, then how much more so is it hated by G-d when Man is in perpetual folly.

לפום גמלא שחנא תנן. י

ריש שתא טבתא לכולי עלמא. ( : י

מורא

זה שאמרנו שמכבסין ומסתפרים בער"ה (תקפא-ד), ועליו אומרים "להראות שאנו בטוחין בחסדו יתברך שיוציא לצדק משפטינו", אינו בא להגיד שר"ה חג ככל החגים (ח"ו), ושלא (ח"ו) כמו שעושים כמה אנשים קלות-ראש יתירה בסימנים. אלא אדרבא- זה שאנו מלובשים בבגדי החג וכו, נעשה לטעם מסויים, ואינו בא לשנות בכלל את מהות היום, שהיא יראת יום הדין ממש. והדברים פשוטים, ואין צורך באמירתם...י

תמליכו חברכם עליכם

Very concisely- there was a girl I went out with in Miami two years ago (someone who has been specifically mentioned here quite a few times), but who I wish to mention now in a different context) who ultimately felt I was lacking in certain elemental interpersonal traits. She wrote me an email of lessons and teachings for myself improvement upon the commencing of our short tenure together. I would like to quote a small piece of it and comment a bit- this is just a sampling of it:

"As a mother raises her child, she usually teaches him how to act. She lavishes him with care and in return demands/expects gratitude. All people need appreciation, usually more than “thank-you” but a genuine empathy and appreciation. Of course it is impossible to re-raise a grown person.

But a good exercise in learning to think this way could be to get in the habit of thinking about and vocalizing one nice thing about each person you meet.
At first it might seem forced or artificial but soon it will become a permanent habit in life.

Tell the bagboy at the grocery that you appreciate what a nice job he his doing for you.

Another important character trait is empathy. When you see another human being, think about what it is like to be them. What is it like to be the Janitor cleaning the bathrooms?

How can you improve his day?

What could you do to help make his job easier? after all, without the proper circumstances in life, you could spend YOUR life cleaning toilets. How would you like to be treated as you were cleaning toilets?

...So much so that we as Jews who were created in and should behave in a manner that is in accordance with Hashem’s image, should lavish kindness upon every person we meet, Jew, Gentile, brilliant or retarded. And as we treat others, Hashem judges and treats us. This is just basic Judaism.

...Observing that someone is serving you and getting up to help is along the same vein. Not just in a home, but even in a restaurant."

I was thinking last night (in Starbucks Coffee) when my thank you was a bit lacking to the one who made the coffee for me about what it says here- namely that even a thank you is not good enough, you have to 1. Really feel that he's doing you an unnecessary favor that you don't deserve, and 2. You have to make him feel appreciated.I was thinking, that when it says "תמליכו חברכם עליכם", does that mean just to people who are older than you? Just to Rabbis? Just to Jews? It means everybody. Would a king make you coffee? Well he is! The least you can do is be thankful for it!

Another thing that came to my mind was that when I worked in a restaurant there were obviously people who said things that made me happier than others. I personally enjoyed when people were playful, but it's hard to say everyone enjoys that. One thing I think most people enjoy is (like I said) to seem very appreciative of the service being done. Now, of course there's no need to be gay about it (I use "gay" to mean "overly nice", or unusually friendly), but I was thinking you can say something like "oh man! You're a lifesaver!", or "ahh, this is really good! You da man!", or something along those lines (of course the exact wording would have to change based on apparent "cultural preferences"/gender of the person serving you).

But then again, it must be stated that people have vastly differing personalities, and different people are more or less comfortable saying certain things, and different people are more or less happy to hear certain things. Example: the girl I'm speaking of lived in an upscale part of Miami where there was a guarded gate at the entrance. She smiled and waved at the guard every time she came in our out (in her car). I on the other hand don't feel I would really have the 'audacity' to do that kind of thing every time (not to mention the 'gay-ness' involved!).

So I still don't think it's a set science how you should act or what you should tell 'service providers', but as long as one sticks to the guidelines initially laid out, it would be well-alright.

עיטוש

Man, my chest bruises are getting better, but my chest anyway was one of my most frail and sensitive parts (I was born with a hole in my heart for example...or so I was told רחמנא לשיזבן), but now I've even got a cold because of the change in seasons...so I'm coughing and sneezing all the time now. But every time I sneeze (even when I hold it in-which I've obviously had to start learning to do recentely..although I almost never did in the past-it's a Moroccan thing!), it feels like a bomb is going off in my chest! ..but it's getting better!

...why am I mentioning this here again..? Oh yes, because I can! ; )

ציצית

י"ל דאפילו למאני דלא סברי דמצוה ללבוש ציצית כל היום כדברי האר"י, היכא דשכיח הזקא יש ללובשם קודם שילך בדרך משום שמירה. י

101- New f--king post already- yay!

Finally, a new post! Well, aside from my summer, I had something fairly interesting happen to me (which I believe is actually a 'mitzva' to discuss in public to some extent). I bought a car in Green Bay with the intention of driving it to New York (with a stop for Shabbat in Cincinnati by my uncle). ...only problem is I'm not the best driver.. Anyway, I had already driven most of the way pretty quickly and successfully, and then 10 minutes out of Cincinnati, on a downhill sharp turn (not to mention the roads were slippery because it was heavily raining) I see a (stopped) car in front of me stretched out sideways blocking my lane! So I had to take a sharp turn to maneuver around it, but I lost control hit another car, and slammed into the rail. But it wasn't so bad! ..but then I realized my car didn't stop yet! It turned around again then slammed head on into the wall. But thank G-d, for he protected me and those around me, for besides some heavy chest bruises I left unscathed, and so did the girl in the car blocking me (who initially lost control there), as well as the woman I hit, and another woman who crashed after me! I tried to introduce G-d's name to them (who were most likely believers) when they were all talking together I said "let's thank G-d none of us got hurt".

הודו לה כי טוב- כי לעולם חסדו

ברוך הגומל לחייבים-טובות, שגמלני כל טוב

Ultimately my insurance just has to pay the lady and I'm hoping I can get some money out of the girls insurance company for causing my crash. But I should also be very thankful that not only did the police there not put me in jail for driving without a license, they even drove me into the city. Once there I ordered a taxi, and the one I found was very interesting; some attractive young 'black' woman who covered her hair and closely affiliated herself and her kids with some form of Judaism. In fact her name was 'Yocheved', her son was 'misha-el', daughter- 'yerusha-ya', son- 'el-hanan'. Very cool. But she did say the recently she has been attracted to a form of religion that feels that the main objective is to keep true at least to what seems proper for us according what is manifest in nature (I told her she might find some form of theological backing in the works of Spinoza...I don't know if that's true! ..but..whatever).

So it was too bad losing the car I just got..but I'm very happy to be OK coming out of such a forceful collision, and happy I have wi-fi Internet connection here in the Dayton airport!

עוד חזון להינתן- בחסדי הא"ל הנותן

100th Post- ומצליח

Well, I started this blog a little before I went to Orlando (to work as a Mashgiach), and here I am again, at the 100th post going off again, this time to the Green Bay (Wisconsin) meat plant to work as a Mashgiach.

..I don't know, I guess it's so easy for me to go be alone in strange places for long periods of time 1. Because I'm naturally a loner! 2. Because I haven't really got anything keeping me in Brooklyn, and 3. Because I'm a travel addict...

..to be honest I always tried to use travel as a way of recharging my "spiritual batteries", and of starting things anew, from a new perspective. ..to be honest, many a time it did work pretty well(!), but I should have definitely have come back to New York and got settled down quite a while ago...I was just always afraid of lowering my spirituality by leaving "the yeshiva".. Well, too late now..

As an aside: I went to Ari Nestlebaums wedding tonight! Yay! We haven't really 'chilled' in quite a while though...

שתי ספקות

ספקות אלו וכיוצא בהם, לא שבאמת תלויים בלא תשובה, אלא שצריכים עיון חדש, מבחינת ראייה חדשה. י

ספק ראשון(1)- כתוב באבות "עשה לך רב והסתלק מן הספק", אבל איך אפשר לסמוך במילי דארעא על בשר ודם, אשר איננו יכולים ליבחן מה הולך בין שבילי רעיוניו ודרכיו, או לוודא שכנים דעותיו (בפרט ש"כשם שפרצופיהם אינם דומים, כך דעותיהם אינם דומים")? י

ספק שני(2)- כתוב בסוף מיכה "והצנע לכת עם אלו-הך", אבל מובן שמוסב על האישיות והתנהגות המעשית של האדם, אם כן איך היינו מתרגמים את הפסוק הזה לענין צניעות בביגוד- ובפרט ביומנו, שהשתנו המזגים בענינים האלו. י
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(1) הספק הראשון נתעוררה אצלי כתגובה אל מה שכתבה הצברית (שאגב אינה צברית באמת) בבלוג שלה על ספר חדש על הרבי מחב"ד שהיה לפני האחרון, והתרשמותו עליה. בין היתר כתבה שקצת היה מוזר בעיניה ש"הרבי הרגיש פחד", אבל בסופו של דבר עשתה שלום עם תשתעבדותה אל ה"רבי" בכותבה ש"לא ניתנה התורה למלאכי השרת", ושזה מוכיח על היות הרבי "בר-נש" כמונו. בעוברי בין שוריה לא יכולתי בקלות לכסות על אי-נוחותי עם אמונתם התמים-תמימה של חסידי חב"ד אל רבם. י

(2) הספק השני נתעורר אצלי כי בכלל ימי הקיץ באים עלינו,ואיתם כל מחלוקות ה"אורתודוקסיים" וה"מסורתיים" וכיוצא בהם בסוגיא של הצניעות אצל קהילתינו הקדושה מתפרץ עוד הפעם. הייתי מסכים שדברים כמו פריסת רגלים באשה, וכיסוי שערה יסודם בהררי קודש בתלמוד, אבל איך אפשר לבסס את ההגדרות הכלליות של הצניעות ככיסוי חלקים העליונים של הזרועות והרגלים בפסוק הזה לחוד? י

Also: comments about whether the pictures spoil or enhance the effect would be appreciated.

Un-overlook-able family events: Brothers wedding and sheva brakhot

Well, it's mostly over now- the festivities of the marriage of my brother...as for some of my personal experiences of it (as I see them now, a few days later) that will be the topic of my writing:

Well, the wedding was a nice wedding, there were though a few flaws; like the fact that me and my half sister, as well as the brides brothers weren't really sure when or in what way to 'walk down the aisle', partially because not only was there no preparation of it beforehand, there was no talk of it. Another thing that is unfortunately spoken of little, not only by the wedding of my brother, but by any wedding for that matter is 1. hilkhot kiddushin before doing it, 2. hilkhot k'tubot and the requirements of the spouses to one another (among other things), hopefully I'll have more time to read that kind of stuff if and when I get married. Another flaw would have been that my brothers wife seemed to have filled all her tables with friends quite nicely, while my brother left a good few tables totally unoccupied (and my brother is quite liked by people...in that case I think, it would be a struggle to fill but one table at my own wedding!

My (religious- mostly young) cousins came in from Cincinnati (though my (irreligious- mostly older) cousins from New York did not). I was happy there were able to attend this religious event as opposed to the last time they came to New York, where they had to attend a wedding of said irreligious cousins. I got to speak to them a bit by the meals on Shabbat, though not all that much- I feel bad because I always seem to be a bit deprived of socialization with them before they have to go again. A short summation of them:

[David- Five years of age. Quite the agreeable lad. Quite intelligent too..

Yonatan- Of nine years. Was a wild little one the last time I saw him (as well as the times before that), though now he seems much more 'tamed', and much brighter than last I saw him.

Naomi- Of eleven (almost twelve) years of age. To me one of the more interesting ones, being that she is in the middle between two boys younger than her, and two girls older than her, who in all likeliness probably tries to socialize with the girls more but always ends up with the boys, due to her unusually petite size for her age (she's shorter than her nine year old brother). ..though in essence her siblings would be considered 'large' for their age, in comparison with the average Ashkenazi Jewish Americans..

Adina- Fourteen years old. Second to oldest, though much more extroverted than the oldest one (the opposite situation existed with me and my older brother). I noticed on Shabbat that she really does have quite a stereotypical old-time Moroccan girl appearance. Her personality makes her presence fun and exiting for those around her.

Michelle- Sixteen(?). Oldest. I suppose that makes her very responsible, but not necessarily overly outgoing...but not introverted either..we were lucky to have her because she seems to being going on an NCSY trip to Israel quite soon.]

We all had the sheva brachot in Queens (the place where my brothers wife has lived for many years, and the place of their new apartment). There were many people, but no doubt 90% of them were from her side of the social spectrum. One thing I felt bad about was that I was meant to give a 'dvar torah' by seudah shlishit but my brother never showed (I stayed up all afternoon preparing it- I wasn't expecting to speak any time, so I had nothing prepared from beforehand...and I had to stay up with my cousins for the first half of the afternoon). I ended up giving it by a brunch the next day, but I partly forgot it, it was unexpected, and there were many more people who were more spread out which created a great challenge for my naturally quite weak voice (I was actually taken aback a bit when my brothers wife spoke after me, and her voice is 50 times louder than mine, with 50 times less effort from her).

[Just the basic idea of what I was trying to say, in Hebrew:]

וכה תורף דברי: חזינן בכמה דוכתי בתורה איסורי ביאה עם ישראלית כגון "לא יבוא עמוני ומואבי בקהל ה" ו"לא יבוא ממזר בקהל ה", ופירש"י "לא יבוא בקהל ה" היינו "לא ישא ישראלית". אז ראינו שהנושא ישראלית נקרא "בא בקהל ה". ובדברי קבלה כתוב "נאום ה אהיה להם לאלו"הים לכל משפחות ישראל","לאיש ישראל" לא נאמר, אלא לכל "משפחות" ישראל. ופירוש "משפחה" הוא לכל הפחות איש ואישתו". י

אם כן פשוט הוא ששכינה שורה אצל הנשוי, לסיבה זאת מצווים אנו לשמח חתן וכלה, כי הרי כתיב "אין השכינה שורה אלא מתוך שמחה". גם ידעינן דשמו של הקב"ה שלום. אם כן חובה על הנשוי אשה להרבות בשלום, שיהיו שניהם כגוף אחד, שלם, ולא להיחלק ע"י המחלוקת כלל וכלל. י

אבל הרי איפה כתוב בשלהי פרשת השבוע "על כן יאמר בספר מלחמות ה, את והב בסופה, ואת הנחלים ארנון", ופירשו רבותינו בקידושין (לא:) "אפילו האב ובנו והרב ותלמידו שרבים על דברי תורה, אינם זזים משם עד שנעשו אוהבים זה לזה דכתיב את והב בסופה- אל תקרי בסופה אלא בסופה". אם כן ראינו שהמחלוקת לא רק שהיא אינה נאסרת לגמרי, אלא שיש בידה לחזק הדידידות- אז השאלה פשוטה: איזה מין מחלוקת מביאה לידי אהבה? י

הוי אומר מחלוקת רבי יוחנן וריש לקיש, דכתיב בהו דכד הוה נח נפשיה דריש לקיש התאבל רבי יוחנן ואמר בכולא זמנא דאמרנן שמעתתא קמיה דריש לקיש הוה מקשיה עלי כ"ד קושיות. למה אהב רבי יוחנן את קושיותיו של ריש לקיש? שעל ידם זכה לראות את הדברים בפנים חדשות. י

שלום בא כששני בני הזוג יכולים לראות את הדברים כמו שנראים לצד השני ממש. אני בעניי הייתי מפרש "שלום" לאופן מעשי- "לסבול בעין יפה מה שמובן כאי-צדק". כי הרי אנשי צדק אנו בטבענו, ומצטערים רבות על חסרונה. אבל לא כולנו רואים את העולם בסאספקלריה אחת: לפעמים אחד מבני הזוג רוצה או מבקש דבר הנראה לשני כאי-צדק מוחלט, אבל החכמה הוא לראות תמיד את הדברים כפי שנראים בעיני השני. והדברים כה פשוטים שאין צורך באמירתם- אבל הלוואי שנזכה לזה- אמן. י

I found I got sort of inwardly depressed after a while. I think the reason was that 1. That's partly just what happens to me after a while of viewing so much merriment, 2. The 'dvar torah' incident, 3. The fact that all those people I liked being with left so abruptly, and 4. 'Big issues' at the job I'm at..

ועוד חזון למועד

השם- ב "ה" הידיעה

מסופקני באומר "השם" בכוונה עליו יתברך, בתפילות קצרות ובקשות, אם נחשב שנאמר כלפי השם. י

Fat Black Girls

I appreciate everything G-d does and has done for me, I just think it's a little...funny..that for the past year every job I had involved me working under some dark, aggressive, control freak girl, who, if I don't obey and impress, might get me fired; last summer in LA it was a short Iranian-Californian girl, this winter it was a half black/half Jewish(?) girl who was twice my size, and now it's an actual fat black girl from Queens- kind of like "Jen" from the "Hell's Kitchen" television series but times 5!

....I see one thing that has pissed people off about me in general has always been that I tend to respond to criticisms while smiling...I don't know why...probably some 'deep psychological thing'...but, I can't help it...

Is anyone else following 'Hell's Kitchen' by the way? They're down to the last two, so exiting! ..It's honestly the first TV series I've followed since I was fourteen! ....some things I did find a bit unbelievable though...mostly that they kicked out Ben and Bobby and kept Matt and Rosanne for so long...especially Matt!..

...watching it actually reminds me of my time in Orlando; the 'quiet-build up-climax-anticlimax' sequence; the stress, the rush, the pleasure of having a proper dinner service...not too many other jobs are so fulfilling and so much fun...I also had pretty good relationships with the people there..(except the bosses of course..but they left a lot, so..). I can honestly say that the relationship I had with the waitress was by far the best I've had with any female (though she was Catholic and from Honduras..). After spending the days with her I looked at the 'JAP' ("Jewish American Princess") type girls who showed up there sometimes and thought "I have to end up marrying a girl like one of these snobby, whiny, pampered Jewish girls?!"...but Jewish girls are obviously far from all the same...

Man, I've gone on a lot about myself here! A little unlike me....

"Aggressiveness" in dating

צ"ע

By April Masini- Featured on the 'Yahoo' homepage:

"Have you suffered from hearing the words, "You're a really nice guy, but I only like you as a friend," from a woman who you would do (or may, in fact, have already done) just about anything and everything for -- only to turn around and watch her date (or even chase) a guy who treats her like she's nothing special?...

First, "nice" equates with boring and predictable. Look up "nice" in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average -- not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy....

To illustrate what I mean: The answer to the question, "Why does the guy who doesn't appear to care as much about the girl get the girl?" is simple: The nice guy cares too much, too soon. He has made the woman too important and too valuable and it shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and he gives too much -- all without getting anything in return. By doing so, he has made himself appear desperate, insecure, needy of this woman's attention, affection, and approval -- and he has stripped himself of any value in her eyes...

It works like this: Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. You are in a position of weakness and you are perceived as weak..

Translation: Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value... it's human nature.

The secret to why the cocky guy wins with women, over the nice guy, is that he is perceived as being a stronger, more confident guy with more value. How? He never invests everything -- his entire being, ego, and self-worth in what one woman's response or reaction to him is. He doesn't gush with compliments; he isn't always available; he doesn't give too much; and he knows he isn't going to die if a woman says "no" to him..."

הנני מצרף דברים אלו פה למען ישמעו החסרים במידות אלו- ויקחו מוסר...י