Mr. Lonely

"The best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature"
~Henry Miller (Quoted in the film 500 Days of Summer)

[This post in inspired by the utter candor of the Ayelet blog]

I don't know about you, but every time I see a film or a television show with a romantic element it makes me cringe inside (if things are going well for the guy in the movie). It's not even "jealousy", because they're not real. It just reminds me of all my frustrations in the realm of inter-sex relations. Heck, even reading some blogs creates the same feelings in me. I've seen a seemingly endless amount of them get engaged and married (some of the girls among them who have ignored advances from me in the past, and have now married people they know from blogging) I'm happy I've never tried to woo a girl in real life from the level of acquaintance to going on a date. 'Cause if that's how it's been online, it'd probably be ten times as bad in real life...

One thing that's been disturbing me a bit recently is the recent interactions I've had with this girl I went on a date with in Boston. Ashkenazi-American. Really intellectual. From an affluent family. Tall and attractive. I don't even know why she agreed to go out with me. Though on the other hand she did push me off for a long time before she agreed. Anyway, there was a time when she seemed to have wanted me to play the part of a platonic Facebook friend.. During that interval, she told me that there was a guy she met as an undergrad, and who she's known for four years, and who she still harbors feelings for, but who at times didn't seem too enthusiastic about the prospect. I found it to be kind of heartwarming that 1) she was willing to tell me such a thing and 2) that she herself has had frustrations with dating, so she knows how it is. But then, when she (inevitably) turned me down, and I asked her why, she said she'd prefer not to say, since she knows that if she says what she doesn't like about someone, they may try to change those aspects of themselves in order to find favor in her eyes, even though she's already made up her mind. Then, when I asked a few more general things, she told me to stop writing to her and that it wasn't healthy. Besides the fact that my second message didn't have anything emotionally charged, I can't take how, if she wanted to say something to me, or to that guy she's trying to get with, it would certainly be ok. But if she (or any girl for that matter) doesn't want to hear anymore, it's the end of the conversation. It's not just true on Facebook though, it's the kind of power-struggle that brings discord even to sworn lovers. I think that THAT's what's unhealthy!

In general I've done poorly in dating. Which, again, would translate as: the girls I've been out with weren't all that interested in me. Which is why I cherish platonic female relationships. There are (admittedly very few) girls who have allowed me a platonic relationship with them. To me, that's better than a girl being willing to go on a date with me. Because they go on the date, give it a chance, and if they're not interested, they'll just move on. In other words they're not at all bothered by the fact that they'll never be hearing from me again for the rest of their lives. ...that's kind of cold. Even if I met a kind Coptic Cabbie I'd feel bad if I knew for a fact that I was never going to hear from him again. Ever. At least in a platonic relationship, you know that the person is genuinely interested in you. And not just anyone, but a person you respect and like and are attracted to. To me that is quite a heartwarming phenomenon in a sea, nay, an ocean, of near animosity...

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